A client of of mine recently expressed concern about her younger son, who is undoubtedly, advanced academically – I mean, I have seen this kid read AND comprehend material that many high schoolers would have difficulty with. Despite being in a multi-age class, the material being presented in his 1st & 2nd grade classroom just wasn't compelling to him. Now, mind you, he goes to a good school. A VERY good public school – great test scores, great faculty, and as much as you can get from a public school in a country where public school funding is the government wallflower of “let's-just-take-a-little-more-from-you.” It reminded me that no matter how good your school is, public or private, the most important thing to ensure your child excels, is parental involvement.
My own son attended a local Montessori pre-school last year for his 3's, and it was, needless to say, an experience that I found to be an ill fit. Now, regardless of the whole set of Montessori principals, which I do believe in for the right child (my son, is NOT ideal for a self-directing environment...), I found that he left to his self-direct, would wander aimless from activity to activity. Being somewhat precocious on some skills and behind on others, I found that casual interactions...even parent-teacher conferences weren't sufficient in getting to the root of how best to TEACH him. The school was lovely, but they did little to further his already advancing reading and comprehension skills, and instead focused much of their efforts on socialization and direction following. This is not a surprise – my son could use work on both. But without a way to engage him on what he DOES love, they had a hard time getting him to do what he DIDN'T want to do.
I, of course, missed all of this – went right under my radar – I mean, when we talked, he was always “improving at listening” and “getting better at following directions.” This sounded like progress, right? Until the very last two months of the school year, when the headmistress advised that I consider “getting him tested.” “For what?” I ask, completely blindsided. “Well, ask your pediatrician – he just can't sit still and follow direction,” they tell me. I think that is teacher codes for “attention deficit,” but since he is only 3, no one wants to be the one to start THAT ball down the aisle... So with one sentence, everything I thought I knew about my son and his educational standing was completely blown out of the water.
I then proceeded to discover, a week later, at a field trip to a giant petting zoo disguised as a farm (Green Meadows in Hazlet – lovely day trip, by the way...), that despite my telling them several times, they hadn't realized the extent of my son's reading capability. When standing in front of the donkey paddock, my son looks at the sign and says “Pancho? That's not a Pancho, it's a donkey!” (obviously the name of said donkey). The teacher next to him was amazed that he had read the word on the sign – a word he was unfamiliar with and had to sound out with a solid grasp of phonics. At that moment, I realized just how little they knew of my son's capabilities, and how little they were equipped to deal with his potential attention-based issues. I also realized, with great humiliation, how little I had understodd of the situation and done to advocate for him. I walked away feeling it was a waste of year - not to mention the pricey tuition – but mostly, I was sad that he didn't get the most he could have from the experience.
So I set out to find ways that a parent can take a more active role in their child's educational process, and my sister-in-law, an elementary school teacher in CA who has taught in every environment possible – from inner city schools to Jewish day school - helped me to define a few key points on how to keep the lines of communication open with your child's school:
- Go to the first meet and greet – even if you have to take part of the day off work – it's worth it to know who will be shaping your child's mind/body/soul for the next 9 months. Make sure you also know any of the paraprofessionals that may be working with your child.
- Find a small block of time, even if it is just 10 minutes, to introduce what your child's strengths are – trust me, they will find the weaknesses after just two weeks in the classroom, but a child's strongest suits can often be hidden in shyness or even lost on a sea of children with greater immediate needs. A good teacher will cleverly use your child's strengths in the classroom to positively affect the entire class.
- Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer. It's time consuming and we all cringe at the idea of a bake sale fundraiser, but find the time to do at least one event per year – it's the best way to keep your ear to ground about new developments at school and how they may affect your child.
- If you feel that the material is not working for your child – be it too basic or too advanced, bring in supplemental materials that your child may enjoy working on at home, and ask the teacher to find ways to implement them. They should be able to find ways to integrate the material, and if they resist, you can always continue the work at home on your own.
- When you prepare for parent conferences, have your questions ready to go – this way you can make the best use of your time with the teachers.
- If issues do arise in the classroom, ask your teachers how they are addressing them, and find ways to support at home. Since my preschooler has some early signs of potential attention-based issues, the teacher's approach at school, which does seem to be having a positive affect on his abilities to focus, we mirror at home as much as possible.
- Funding is always an issue with schools, and with budgets slashed for “non-essential” programs, such as art, music and drama, look for ways in which you can either help provide funds for specific projects (getting a local business to sponsor) or if there are talented members of the community who may be interested in giving their time for a special class event here or there.
I have a special place in my heart for the Marshall School in South Orange – this is the school that my son will be attending once he hits Kindergarten. In my duties as a real estate agent, I often arrange and attending school tours with my clients, and I was especially impressed by this school. You could tell at the end of last year that the schools were really smarting after the funding cuts, and on a tour of the Marshall School, I saw a beautiful quilt, clearly a proudly displayed class project. Out of curiosity, I asked the tour guide (one of the administrators) where they got the money for this project. She replied, “The teacher who did this researched, wrote and received a grant for this project. We're very proud of how proactive our teachers are.” I can't wait for my kid to get her!
I suppose that there is no panacea for the issues with our American public school system, but it really is a choice to make the most of what it provides to our children. I hope I don't appear to be overbearing, but better that than oblivious as before. I see now that I am the best advocate for my child in the system, and I won't fail him again. Oh, and by the way, now he knows that “Pancho” is the name of the donkey...
